When it comes to body language it’s a lot harder to simulate confidence than when speaking. Not only does most of the communication go through the body, but even to the naked eye, if there is something wrong with your body language, it will be noticed. Especially if you want to be perceived as a high value person not only by your friends, but by your boss and women too, it is vital that you don’t neglect the signs your body gives out.
Almost all parts of our body give out a certain message, from our eyes to our feet, so by learning what each body stance means you will know how to avoid sending out the wrong message to the people you meet. Maybe you want to be perceived as more dominant or maybe just the opposite (although I really doubt it). Not only that, but you will also gain the ability to read people better and react more rationally when in an interaction.
Now there are a lot of interpretations of the different body stances, however I’ve gathered only the once that are most encounterable and those that most people tend to make.
While people might not notice your other body parts at first or even at all depending on the venue you’re meeting, eye contact is not something you can avoid. By having strong eye contact with people you show dominance and confidence. Of course you should try not to overdo it as it may come out as creepy and it may make you look like a lifeless robot.
The ideal time to break an eye contact is when you find out the eye colour of the person infront of you. Another thing I do is mimicing others, so when the other person turns his glare off me I turn mine as well as if we’re taking a break from each others’ eye contacts.
Note however that whenever you aren’t looking at the persons eyes, try not to look at the ground as that would immediately show that you have low self-esteem and you lack confidence. What you can do when you’re trying to remember something is looking upwards. Studies show that whenever somebody is looking up while in a conversation it shows that they’re trying to recall something and thinking carefully about their answer.
This is something that happens most of the time on a totally subconscious level. I atleast have caught myself several times shaking my foot or drumming with my fingers on the table without even realizing that I was going on like that for minutes at a time. Very often such movements arise from feeling stressed out or bored.
No matter the body part the stiller and relaxed you are the more confident you will appear to be. The same applies to fidgeting, the less rash-nervous movements you make the more grounded you look.
The thing people notice first along with eye contact is our posture. Hunched back and shoulder not only make you look less attractive, but you can also come out as reserved and less confident. It is important to keep good posture just as much while sitting as while standing.
Notice how you’ve positioned yourself while you’re reading this. Is your back hunched? Maybe you’ve slouched in your chair ? A good posture is when you have your shoulders back and your head up high.
Taking up space
By taking up more space you show that you’re comfortable in the situation and place you’re in, where as having your feet right next to eachother shows just the opposite and makes you look uncertain of what you’re saying. And no, as cool as you may look doing a split, it won’t make you look more confident.
The pitch of your voice can be of great importance when you’re doing business or meeting women. I am not sure about you, but I haven’t met anyone who doesn’t love the voice of Morgan Freeman, so when you think about high-pitched and low-pitched people you most definitely would listen and trust more the person with the low-pitched voice.
There are plenty of exercises which can make your voice deeper and more assertive, one of which is “um-m-ing”. By putting your lips together and starting to “um-m-m-m” you relax your voice into its optimal pitch.
Overall you need to speak loudly and with confidence regardless of what you’re saying. Even if it’s something silly if you want people to take you seriously you need to own what you say and say it loud and clear.
I can’t begin to explain how much I love power poses and their effect. If there was a pill that made you feel confident immediately this would be the closest thing to it. Research has shown that by striking certain poses you can increase the levels of testosterone in your body and lowers the levels of cortisol, which is the stress hormone.
The most common poses recommended and used out there are the “leaning back in your chair with hands behind your neck” or if you’re standing then just widen your stance and putt your hands on your hips (a.k.a the superman pose). The best thing about this is that you only need to stay like that for a short amount of time ( 2-3 minutes approximately) and there you go, you’re charged and more sure of yourself than ever.
Just as your body moves when you’re conversing with somebody so should you arms and hands. The more you expose your palms the better as it shows people that you have nothing to hide while when you have your hands in your pockets you might appear more shy and out of place.
If there is one thing that can fix everybody’s day, that’s a big wide smile. Especially nowadays when everybody is on his phone and people abstain from showing emotions, by smilling to every other person not only will you stand out in the crowd, but you will also feel better by knowing that you just made someones day. Unless the person infront of you is completely emotionless nobody would actually turn down a smile.
Of course smiling shouldn’t be forced otherwise it looks fake or even creepy. A genuine smile can be recognized by the wrinkles on the outer side of the eyes.
Try this one right when you wake up : go to the mirror in your bathroom and for a few seconds just smile at yourself. In order to feel happy you must see yourself being happy, so that’s one way of doing it.
Most people put either too much or too little energy in the handshake and in both cases it’s wrong. Your hand shouldn’t be limp, but at the same time you shouldn’t crush the other persons hand just to prove that you have authority.
You should watch out for things like your palm ending up below the other persons as it would show that you’re submissive or shaking the other persons hand with just your fingers as that is just plain weird.
Keep the space infront of your heart free
The easiest way to spot in a bar if someone is shy or nervous is by observing how they hold their drink. Most guys go to bars, buy a beer and then just stand there with the beer infront of their chest and look completely stiff. By keeping your arms crossed or holding a drink infront of your chest you come out as unapproachable or even disinterested.
So in case you want to avoid that try holding the bottle by the neck and then relax your arm. This way you will look way cooler and a lot more confident.
One way to show somebody you’re interesting in what they’re saying is by leaning in. Just like with every other body part you shouldn’t overdo it otherwise you might make the other person uncomfortable. As you might’ve figured out leaning back would mean that you’re disintered in the other person and even then you should be aware how much you’re leaning back unless you aren’t afraid of looking arrogant.
When it comes to legs it is a little more complicated as some leg positions give out a different messages depending on what source you’re looking at. I’m going share with you all of the meanings and let you decided if a certain position is bad or good.
Lets begin with the crossed ankles, if you look at some sources they will tell you that it is a good thing because if we look at it from a pre-historic point of view if you’re a man 40k years ago, you would probably cross your ankles only if there was no threat around you. So in a way you’re comfortable where you are at the moment and you’re just enjoying yourself.
However some say that when you take that stance you are withholding something such as anxiety, fear or other negative emotions. In my case I usually lock my ankles only when I’m feeling relaxed and am in a good mood so I can only relate to the first saying.